I recently discovered Manos: The Hands of Fate via a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 DVD I borrowed from the public library. After having endured the whole thing (thanks to the MST3K crew, bless their precious hearts), I would like to officially declare—in much the same way that news stations can declare election results before every vote is counted—that I’ve just seen the worst movie ever made.
Yes, yes, I’ve seen Plan 9 From Outer Space. This is worse. Much worse, I should say, since I consider Plan 9 to be quite entertaining.
The whole thing is available on YouTube, but I warn you, it is not the MST3K version. There is no witty commentary to carry you through the excruciatingly long countryside opening sequence; no one to quip at the out-of-focus, off-centred, and sloppily edited shots; nothing to dull the pain of the repetitive dialogue spouted by a dozen-or-so nightgown-clad, entranced brides.
I think the only way in which my life is not worse for having seen this film is that I now have my Halloween costume idea. I shall be Torgo.
Oh my God that just reminded me! I actually have one of the five-turkey movies on the Rinkworks list and I COMPLETELY forgot about it when I went to the M-dot. I didn’t want to watch it without you, what with it being so unbelievably bad.
I still want to be Fab (or Rob) for Halloween. But no one will get the joke unless I have a fellow Vanilli.
Please tell me it’s Sinbad And The Seven Seas!
And, amazingly, not only is Rinkworks still around, but it looks like Sinbad is the first thing on the homepage right now.
Row, row, row your boat…