So Thursday evening I was feeling some pressure in my left ear, but this morning I woke up with undeniable pain, and a persistent stomping throb, or throbbing stomp, the unmistakable call of the wild ear infection. I was all, “What am I, four years old?” So I did what all reasonable four year-olds do and went crying to my mommy, who said, between large mouthfuls of her lunch, “An ear infection? Oh, stick a clove of garlic in there.”
“MOM. NO.”
“But I saw it on that Doctor Oz show! It’ll kill the – ”
“You always told me not to stick anything in my ears.” I paused. “Also, garlic?”
“It’s got antibacterial properties!”
“What if it gets stuck in there?”
“Well, at least it won’t get infected.”
Anyway, ear infections are usually viral, Mom, so just KNOCK IT OFF.
Anyway, though, I got to thinking about my usual cold/flu regimen, which goes like such:
1. Zinc cough drops (preferably cherry flavour)
2. Ibuprofen
3. Lots of whining
Not so much a standard home remedy as a standard drugstore remedy, unlike my crazy mother’s garlic advice. Then I was like, “But how crazy is it?” We don’t necessarily head ‘er to the drugstore for every little thing, we do subscribe to quite a lot of home remedies. Cranberry juice for urinary tract infections, ginger ale for motion sickness, toothpaste on a zit, toast with honey to cure a hangover. For all that we pride ourselves as being a modern bunch with the Better Living Through Chemistry and medicines done up in nice little foil packs, I think most of us would honest-to-Gob rather smear some baking soda on a beesting than drive to London Drugs for one of those Benadryl rub-on sticks. Am I right?
Readers, do you have any family/home remedies you swear by? (Or, in the case of hangover cures, at?)
I once developed a terrible throat infection/strep throat-something while traveling in Vegas. It was probably just a reaction from dry, recycled smokey desert casino air, to be honest. Cool side effect: I got this old lady “been living in a casino for thirty years, dolllllll” voice. Some guy at the poker table I was sitting at heard this, and ordered me a whiskey, hot water and honey. He mixed them together, made me drink the stuff and I felt better instantly. So: whiskey cures all. Or honey. Or hot water. Or the DXM I took later that evening. I’m not sure which.
Sadly, I lost the awesome husky smoker’s voice. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas I guess.
DANG IT. All I have out of that trifecta is the hot water.
I hope you were using the husky old-casino-lady voice to good effect while you were in Vegas. ‘”Let it riiiiiiiiide,” she croaked as the dice galloped down the green felt,’ etc.
HA. VINDICATED.
My family doctor: “Dr. Oz? He’s cardiovascular medicine. Don’t listen to him if he tells you to stick anything in anything. And do me a favour and stop listening to your mom, too.”
Me: “Thanks, Dr. Wong.”
I love telling my doctor about how Doctor Google diagnosed me all the time. No word on if he is a cardiovasc doc or not though.