For the first time in my life, I’m suffering from seasonal allergies! Or, as I was whining to Carpool Boy on the way home today, “I think I’m allergic to spring!”
Previously my entire allergies list went like this:
- Canola pollen
- PABA (you know, that sunscreen stuff)
- Nickel
- Penicillin
And now it looks like I have to add a season to that list. Dang it! I’ve been miserable for two days now – stuffy, headachy, insomniac, laser-red eyes, and a crazy-making itch everywhere inside my head. I’m a little nervy about taking allergy meds that tell you right on the box to expect cardiac side effects, though. So today when I was at Superstore reading medication packets, I saw that they had neti pots on sale. And I was like, Hey, I totally read about those on CNN! What a good idea!
OK, so you know what waterboarding is, right?
The answer is: TORTURE.
Do you know what the difference is between using a neti pot and being waterboarded?
(crickets)
Exactly.
I read the instructions very carefully and angled my head like I was told (this was all relational, you know, your forehead should be higher than this and lower than that, your torso should be here in comparison to the sink, etc) and proceeded to drown myself. And swear. And sputter and choke and flail and try to slap one hand with the other to make the torture stop. I think I may even have confessed.
After sending about a third of the first potful into the mirror, sink, counter, and wall in a high-velocity spray, I refilled it – refusing to admit defeat to a PVC nasal irrigation device, which is a sentence I never expected to type – I got the technique down and holy crap, I cannot emphasize enough how much better my congestion is. My whole head feels cleaner and lighter, which is such a change from the last 48 hours that I almost feel drunk on oxygen. (Technique, however, is key. Protip: don’t tilt your head back at all, or the saltwater will run down your throat and make you cough. But don’t tilt your head too far forward either or it’ll feel like the solution is touching your brain, which is also unpleasant.)
I also – having, admittedly, not much faith in things I read on CNN – bought two packages of the least deadly-looking allergy medication I found. But I don’t think I need it now. Yeehaw! Y’all, if you’re having a tough spring, I’m now officially recommending one of these things. It cost about $10, you can use it forever, it’s only really torture for a couple of minutes, and you’ll feel so much better.
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